Did I Ever Tell You, You're A Zero (Or, I See Dead Drunk People)

A rogues gallery of, well, rogues.

One (Too Many) Bourbon + One (Too Many) Scotch + One (Too Many) Beer
American (and an Aussie) Idols
Making Us Proud

•••

"Hey! See that guy over there? Follow him when he gets in his truck," G says, as I watch the tall, lanky kid step into his ride. As he drives away, another truck pulls up behind him and follows him out of the parking lot. We follow them.

"That guy totally just bought alcohol for the kid in the truck behind him," G explains, "I want to see the hand-off." G is excited that she spotted this little interaction.

We are tailing the two trucks, hanging back with discreet, spy-like skill (No doubt honed from some lame "Murder She Wrote" episode, where Angela Lansbury (G) and Tom Bosley (me) pursue, at 15 miles an hour, a geriatric lawbreaker.)

The trucks pull into a dirt parking lot, only about a quarter mile from where they started (and still, mind you, in pretty public view). The "legal" (if you can call buying liquor for minors legal) buyer pulls in first, the younger "illegal" (yes, minor) pulls his truck around so that they are window to window (Because, we are transacting illegal business here, so why try to look any more indiscreet?). The elder (by only 5 years or so) hands off the package, and pulls away fast, in a flurry of gravel and dust (because, were still not drawing attention to ourselves yet). The minor, sauce in hand, pulls out slower.

"That was so cool," exclaims G.

"Yeah," I respond.

Fortunately, the night goes by without any incidents or accidents on The Rock.

But, two days later, the someone driving a truck, hits a telephone poll (Not the minor above, but a legal drinker, and, not an uncommon occurrence out here on the island), and is airlifted (by plane) off The Rock.

Two days later — while drinking in the local (only) bar on the island — we overhear somebody telling of that accident (his girlfriend, who is sitting right next to him, drinking). He is drunk.

They get home safe that night.

Three days later, a drunk somebody runs his truck into an abandoned trailer home. Plane, hospital, broken bones, and he returns to the island.

It will happen again (and, again) out here. Until somebody dies.

And then, it will happen again.

(Please, drink wisely. And don't, for phuck sake, drive! Really, I don't care if you hurt yourself, but, there are 1,200 others out here who prefer not to go down with you.)

•••

It Was A Very Good Beer
(Buy: The Simpsons: The Simpsons: Songs In The Key Of Springfield [Original Music From The Television Series])

Ballantine Beer
(Ballantine Beer Orchestra))

Beer Beer Bottla Beer
(Download: A. C. Ducey: Thurl Festival! (At WFMU: Beware the Blog)

Beer Run
(Buy: Todd Snider: Near Truths and Hotel Rooms Live [LIVE])

All for Me Grog
(Buy: Dan Zanes: Sea Music)

Alcohol
(Buy: Gogol Bordello: Super Taranta!)

I'm feeling a bit thirsty. Let's head out.

Nite Club
Friday Night, Saturday Morning
(Buy: The Specials (Featuring Rico): The Singles Collection)

Seeing double yet? Well, how about now?

Beer Barrel Polka
(Buy: The Andrews Sisters: 60th Anniversary Collection)
Beer Barrel Polka
(Buy: Roy Clark and Buck Trent: Banjo Bandits)

What's The Use Of Getting Sober (When You Gonna Get Drunk Again?)
(Buy: Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five: Louis Jordan & His Tympani Five [Original Recording Remastered])
What's The Use Of Getting Sober (When You're Gotta Get... )
(Buy: Joe Jackson: Jumpin' Jive)

Too Drunk To Fuck
(Buy: Dead Kennedys: Give Me Convenience Or Give Me Death)
Too Drunk To Fuck
(Buy: Nouvelle Vague: Nouvelle Vague)

In Heaven There Is No Beer
(Buy: Frankie Yankovic: The Best of Frankie Yankovic)
In Heaven There Is No Beer
(Buy: Brave Combo: Polkas for a Gloomy World)

Well, you don't have to go home, but, you can't stay here.

I Wish You Were A Beer
(Buy: Cycle Sluts from Hell: Cycle Sluts from Hell)

Closing Time
(Buy: Semisonic: Feeling Strangely Fine)

Well, Blow Me Down

Windy Old Weather
The Rock
October 29, 2006

At least it's not raining (like it was last night). Windy old weather aside, today could not have been a more beautiful day. I hope tomorrow is just as sunny — the last boat to run off The Rock left at 8:45 yesterday morning — and from the looks of it, tomorrow may be a (gale) forced (wind) holiday. At least that's what the marine forecast says.

COASTAL WATERS FROM EASTPORT ME TO STONINGTON ME OUT 25 NM-
835 PM EST SUN OCT 29 2006

... GALE WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT THROUGH MONDAY AFTERNOON ...

OVERNIGHT... W WINDS 30 TO 35 KT WITH A FEW GUSTS TO 45 KT...DECREASING TO 25 TO 35 KT LATE. SEAS 17 TO 22 FT...SUBSIDING TO 12 TO 17 FT BY DAYBREAK. VSBY LOCALLY 1 TO 3 NM IN BLOWING SPRAY.

MON... W WINDS 25 TO 35 KT WITH A FEW GUSTS UP TO 45 KT. SEAS 10 TO 15 FT...SUBSIDING TO 7 TO 10 FT IN THE AFTERNOON.

MON NIGHT... NW WINDS 25 TO 30 KT...DECREASING TO 20 TO 25 KT AFTER MIDNIGHT. SEAS 5 TO 8 FT...SUBSIDING TO 4 TO 6 FT AFTER MIDNIGHT.

(Information via MaineHarbors.com)

Oh, well, hopefully Tuesday's seas will still have a little punch to them too — because, quite honestly, it adds a little more excitement to the morning commute.

Dan Zanes: Windy Old Weather (Buy Dan Zanes: Sea Music)

Sailing Homeward

But first, dropping anchor (if you know what I mean) with the schooners off Swans Island.
Summer 2006

Heel y'ho boys, let her go, boys
Bring her head round now all together
Heel y'ho boys, let her go boys
Sailing homeward to Mingulay!

What care we tho' white the sea/Minch is?
What care we for wind and weather?
Let her go boys, every inch is
Wearing homeward to Mingulay!

Wives are waiting on the bank, boys,
Looking seaward from the heather.
Pull her 'round boys, and we'll anchor
'Ere the sun sets at Mingulay!

'Mingulay Boat Song', composed by Hugh Roberton (1874 - 1952) in 1938—a good 26 years after Mingulay lost its island community for good. But still, it's a beautiful island, with a beautiful song in its namesake.


Richard Thompson: Mingulay Boat Song (Buy It!)
Dan Zanes: Mingulay Boat Song (Buy It!)

Aft on the Poop Deck, and Walkin' All About

Rockland Harbor
The Foggy Summer of '06

Aft on the poop deck, and walkin' all about,
There's the second mate, so steady and so stout.
What he's a-thinkin', he knows not himself,
We're wishin' he would hurry up and strike, strike the bell.

Strike the bell, second mate, let us go below,
Look you well to windward you can see it's going to blow!
Look at the glass, you can see that it has fell,
We wish that you would hurry up and strike, strike the bell!

Down on the main deck, workin' at the pumps,
There's the starboard watch, just a-longin' for their bunks.
Lookin' off to windward, they see a great swell,
They're wishin' that the second mate would strike, strike the bell.

Aft at the wheel, poor Andersen stands,
Clutchin' at the spokes with his cold, mittened hands.
Lookin' at the compass head the course is true and well,
He's wishin' that the second mate would strike, strike the bell.

For'ard at the fo'cs'le head, keepin' sharp lookout,
There's Johnny standin', a-ready for to shout,
The lights are burnin' bright, sir, everything is well,
We're wishin' that the second mate would strike, strike the bell.

Aft on the quarterdeck, our gallant captain stands,
Lookin' at the sea with a spyglass in his hand.
What he's a-thinkin', we all know very well,
He's thinkin' more of short'nin' sail than--strike the bell.

-Traditional

Dan Zanes: Strike The Bell (Buy It!)