I Don't Give A Damn About Her (Or, Her Husband's) Reputation!

My American Idol — Saint Joan of Art

The Honorary Ms. Joan Jett
Warped Tour 2006
July 14, 2006
Nampa, Idaho
Photograph ©Otto Kitsinger|Performance Photography

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Just don't ask me to vote — for this!

"Your votes narrowed down the list of choices, and we added your top suggestions. Vote in the final round of our campaign song contest — and don't miss the latest video."

What is this from? The latest call to the best use of cellphones for placing your votes with Dancing With the Stars or American Idol? Well, sort of. You see — in the great tradition of taking mediocre songs and hoping to personify them into a national call to action (i.e. The hellacious pairings of Bill Clinton & Fleetwood Mac: 'Don't Stop', Arnold Schwarzenegger and that pitiful Twisted Sister, Dee Snider: 'We're Not Gonna Take It', Ronald Reagan using 'Born in the USA', or George W. Bush and Van Halen's 'Right Now'!? Holy Shite! These might easiest be the worst songs ever done by any of those bands! You can read more about this here.) — Ms. Clinton would like you to select her 'song'.

You know, just when you thought that a woman could step up and turn the White House — and the whole 'white man government' thing — around, we find out that she is just another politician 'utilizing' (Showing with absolute blazing colors of un-hipness, her lack of 'connectedness' with anybody remotely associated with the American voting public), while using that 'World Wide' thing-a-ma-jiggy to its fullest capacity. (Please, give us a little more credit, and a major effing break!)

Anywho, if you need to go vote, you can do it at Hillary Clinton's 'Pick A Song (and, Maybe Find Out What I Stand For') website. But, even if you don't vote, you should go and see what songs the collective voting 'WE' think are 'IT'. Guaranteed: You will only be disappointed. How disappointed? Would you believe that your 'Final Choices' are between KT Tunstall (Who the effin', friggin' hell is KT Tunstall?) [G informs me that she knows KT. She, apparently, has a song on the Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack. What are the chances that somebody in the Clinton 'Camp' may have plugged into that popular program by accident? And, hell, for that matter, what about something from Ursula 1000?], Shania Twain (Nuf' sayd!), U2 (Hey! We're not an American band!), The Temptations (Because Hillary's down with all music, homes. And the 'kids' LOVE their new stuff — if they even know who they are!), and, that effin' band Smashmouth (You know, from the 'Shrek' movie!)

Below, are songs that I think could stand up against any of them. Enjoy, and, okay, vote when it's time. (For somebody with a cool song!)

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Who Can You Trust
Coney Island Whitefish
(Buy: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts: Album)

Roadrunner
(Buy: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts: Good Music)

A.C.D.C.
(Buy: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts: Sinner)

Do You Want To Touch Me (Oh Yeah)
(Buy: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts: Bad Reputation)

And, my personal favorite (and what politician couldn't be telling the truth with this one?),

Bad Reputation
(Buy: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts: Bad Reputation)

What A Girl Wants, (Is Only) What A Girl Gets

Look all you want — but if they don't want — you ain't gettin'!

The Girl Watcher
June 1959
Copyright 1959 by Bonanza Publishing Co., Inc.
(via Vintage Girlwatchers)


Grrrls, grrrls grrrls!

They love you. They hate you. They love you. They bait you.

Grrrrrrrrrls!

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The old,

Do You Want to Touch Me?
(Buy: Joan Jett and The Blackhearts: Fit To Be Tied: Greatest Hits)

the new,

Nestle in My Boobies
(Buy: The Coathangers: Ladies of Leisure)

Dirty Song
(Buy: Cars Can Be Blue: All the Stuff We Do)

and, the (un)real deal — with a side of Lemmy.

Stand By Your Man
(Buy: Wendy O. Williams: from, Wendy And Lemmy (7" single, 1982).
(Good luck finding this one.)

Fun's Fun, But That's Not Fun!

Red Squirrel
Rockport, Maine
December 2004

"Fun's Fun, But That's Not Fun!"

You know what, I don't even know what that's supposed to mean, but Bernard tells me his Moms always used to say that to him when he did something he wasn't supposed to be doing. I guess if you can attach a mother voice it, it starts to make some sense. Any way, this post has little to do with that.

I hit a squirrel today — with the car.

I don't know if you've ever hit anything with a car before, but there's this sick feeling you (I) get in the pit of my stomach when something like this happens. (Although, this has happened only one other time before. But I remember that feeling. I do not like it.) I'm not one of those people who sees squirrels (or seagulls, or pigeons, for that matter) and has one of those little 'I wish I could kill those little effers! Rats with tails (or wings — in the case of seagulls and pigeons)! That's what they are!' moments — freaking the person, that thought they knew who you were — out just a little more then maybe you ever wanted. (Or they wanted to be, by somebody they thought they knew.) You know what I mean?

The squirrel lived. I think. I saw it run off to the side of the road and into the woods before I turned the next corner. I want to belief that I just grazed the little thing. I hope I'm right.

Drive carefully, and love the little animals. Outie!

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Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers: Roadrunner
(Buy: Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers: Roadrunner, Roadrunner: The Beserkley Collection)
Joan Jett: Roadrunner
(Buy: Fit To Be Tied: Great Hits of Joan Jett and The Blackhearts)